• Sarah Ballan

Attention Vs. Connection

Dating in NYC is hard. It’s challenging to meet people when you’re out because bars are loud, and most people would rather hide behind their phones and swipe (L/R) or slide (into the DMs) instead of approaching you in person.


I want a man who has the balls to strike up a normal, non-digital conversation. A majority of men who have asked me out recently have slid into my DMs. I’m not shaming it - just saying that if you really want to impress me, try showing up to a spin class of mine instead of using it as your opening line, because newsflash: you’re unoriginal. To be honest, I’d rather you ask me about the weather instead of my class if you have no intention of actually coming. *Giant eye-roll*


Some of my best friends have found success on these apps, but sadly I feel they are the minority. You can match with dozens of people per day, many of whom you never end up meeting! Why? Because there are too many options.


Choice can be an amazing thing. Infinite options; an endless sea of suitable fish. Although we strive for connection, if and when we do find it, it’s never enough. No. We want to keep our options open. Why? Because all you have to do is open up Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn...shall I go on?...and you are presented with five hundred new faces!


To me, this seems like a colossal waste of time. I would rather spend my time talking (not just texting!) to a select few, hence why I do not actively participate in the apps.


Although I have plenty of profiles with pictures up, I only swipe for attention, not connection. Admittedly, I am part of the problem.

Quality > quantity. Too much choice can lead to unrealistic expectations. Selectively chosen photos and experiences displayed on social media condition you to curate versions of yourself. People are not as perfect as they appear on Pinterest.


We are on a constant quest for our next source of instant gratification, and because it’s oh-so-easy to get what we want, we don’t spend time trying to work with what we have, or actually get to know one another. Forget being satisfied or even trying. We fear we may be “settling” because there is always always another option out there. But is that really, truly settling? Just because something isn’t 100% perfect? And when a potential problem arises, instead of toughing it out and getting to know each other, its onto the next.


Where is the human interaction? Where is the effort?

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© Sarah Ballan 2018

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